I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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