I'm really into asian looking animals
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
