you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
