Will you blow on my dice?
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
