She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
