note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
