Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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