My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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