and you said cock pushups were impossible
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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