Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
