I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
