After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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