Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
