So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
