Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
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i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize