you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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