I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
