what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
