well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why do cheetos always look like penises
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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