The maid of honor just puked.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
