Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
