Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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