Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
