To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
