Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
