Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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