P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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