his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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