Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
