I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
