The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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