Don't you send me to vm
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Randomize
