Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
