I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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