I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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