I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
