I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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