I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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