haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
