you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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