also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
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We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
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I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
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