His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
