you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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