I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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