I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
