If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
