Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
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Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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