those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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