i need an iv and a liver transplant
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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