glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Randomize
