Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
How's work?
Spinning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
