I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
