Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
