he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
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