I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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