Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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