You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Randomize
