I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
