Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
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