I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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