had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
