so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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