Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
