apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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