It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
