For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
