my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
