she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Randomize
