My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
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