you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
