people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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