I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
