i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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