I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
