i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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