Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
