can we get nightvision for the apartment?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
