The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
