Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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