he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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