I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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