If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
